Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
