...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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