Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
