i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
