I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize