...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize