Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
