one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize