Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
