I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
