using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize