i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
