i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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