I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
