oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
