Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
