I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
