capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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