I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
