You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize