We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
two words...techno handjob
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
