I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
where are my eyebrows?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
