Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
