I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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