Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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