Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
