He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
