he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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