I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
