I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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