I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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