This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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