do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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