I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
