dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I only lived at night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
