Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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