I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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