omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
