I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
