WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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