my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
