i just google imaged poop.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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