dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
