Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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