So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
