I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
