i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
