yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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