Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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