I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
