Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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