I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
