walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Randomize
