im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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