he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
