I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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