Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize