I cockslap morals
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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