I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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