am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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