I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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