im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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