That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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