Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
