No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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