Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
