thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
