did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
