Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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