I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The adults are the big ones right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
