There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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