I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
