Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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