Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize